Friday, December 14, 2012

Inflated Nouns, Verbs, Phrases

Hurriedly driving home across a busy, congested town in a poor, sulky, exhausted spirit of fractured good wishes for bad drivers all around me, I wondered disdainfully why I never dressed up my pathetic, gray Mazda with a chintzy red-velveteen bow on its dented hood. I sarcastically thought that as I looked squint-eyed into my cracked rear-view mirror, and saw just that same tacky, pedestrian question played back. I ruefully smiled. Quirky Pandora Radio played common, folksy Bing Crosby Christmas numbers, and the blinding red sun sat on the cloudless horizon cast in a crimson fireball glow that blinded me relentlessly. Good will and peace to everyone, I sardonically thought, and may the new year bring you peace, too.

Now take a glimpse into the real me!

Driving home from across town in a spirit of good wishes for drivers around me, I wondered why I never dressed my Mazda with a bow on its hood. I looked into my rear-view mirror, and saw the question played back. I smiled. Pandora Radio played Bing Crosby, and the sun sat on the horizon cast in a crimson glow. Good will and peace to everyone, and may the new year bring you peace. 

You be the judge of describers––adverbs, adjectives, and their respective phrases––for your writing new year. Think about its message, and what it says about YOU, the writer? Or is this intended? And if so, could you have achieved the same point with less?